You gifted me socks?…Really? -_-
I tore off the paper, sharing a giggle with my sister, who furiously ripped through bright and festive wrapping paper next to me. I opened the box as a squeal, just dying to be released, waited in my throat for the signal. And opening boxes from Santa was no small feat. I had to battle through unreasonable layers of tape. It was a war worth fighting, though. I would catch my sister’s eye, we’d grin, then dive into our boxes.
Socks and underwear.
Yep. Nothing brings Christmas cheer to the small heart of a child quite like socks and underwear. I’d rather have a piece of coal. I mean, come on. It’s carbonized plant matter. If I couldn’t have Hans Solo frozen in carbonite, the least Santa could do is give me carbonized something. Coal seemed like a pretty good option. I didn’t care if it branded me as naughty. I was a weird kid like that. I even told Santa once, at the mall, that I wanted coal and he looked to an elf for an appropriate response. Rocks and fossils were the best gifts ever. Socks and underwear? Not so much.
Never wishing to appear ungrateful, I swallowed back my disappointment, offered a brave smile and said, “Thank you, Santa.”
Year after year after year after year.
As I grew older, “Thank you, Santa” turned to “Laaaaaame”, then to, “That bastard!” to eventually, “Dirty old man.”
That’s when my parents FINALLY got the hint. Maybe gifting socks and underwear from Santa wasn’t the best idea. Santa was more clever and creative after that.
But, by that time, I had grown up. And frankly, getting socks and underwear was kinda cool. Then, I got it. I felt like I had a “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” moment and uttered a dramatic, “Whoa…” as my brain contorted with the epiphany.
Adults like to get socks and underwear. I like to get socks and underwear. Why isn’t anyone buying me socks anymore? I didn’t mean it! Truly! I take it all back. Pleeeaaassseee….!
Still waiting for that lump of coal, too… 😉
What was the ONE boring gift you got over the Holidays as a child that you appreciate now as an adult? Slippers? Robes? Pajamas? Clothes?